For the first time in my life, I was fired from a job this week.
I guess you can euphemize it if you want. I was “laid off,” “let go,” perhaps “kicked to the curb.”
I guess it’s a milestone everyone must reach in his life. However, it wasn’t the monumental experience I had expected.
I really wasn’t the least bit perturbed by the fact that I no longer work at a coffee shop. It was more so how I was fired that alarmed me.
I was running some errands in Lawrence, when it suddenly struck me that I had to poop.
This No. 2 was not going to wait for a trip back to Baldwin City, and I decided a retail store was an unseemly place for a bowel movement, meaning the logical decision was to go to my place of employment.
After dropping off my surprise, I made myself a grande vanilla latte, had some chitchat with my boss and went on my way. Fecal matter-free, I comfortably began my drive back to the metropolis of Baldwin City.
I had barely left Lawrence when I noticed my mobile telephonic device was calling to me.
A quick jingle, a shake, and there it was.
I checked my newest text message to see that it was from my boss, whom I had seen no more than 10 minutes earlier.
“That’s odd,” I thought. “What could she want?”
So I started reading while driving down the highway, which was a horrible idea. Never do it.
“I didn’t get time to tell u that we have to cut back on shop hours,” it began.
She had cut back hours last summer, so it wasn’t that shocking.
“We cant afford to stay open til 10 pm anymore,” it continued. Well, she does have a tendency to close early when it’s slow. At this point, I was figuring we’d start closing earlier, people would complain, and we’d lose more business. I’d get paid the same. It’s not like anyone ever tipped me.
“This is my second year and I had to re-evaluate every thing.”
As she has demonstrated somewhat of a lack of business savvy, it was no surprise that the business was not doing too hot. However, it wasn’t until the end of the text that it struck me that I was being let go.
“Myself and Lukas will be the only employees starting end of next week. I hated to do this but am forced to. I regret any inconvenience it causes to all employees,” it ended.
It was at that moment that I realized not only had I been fired, and not only fired in a text message, but fired in a mass text message.
I used to text my boss about when I could work, which is not uncommon, but finding out you’re jobless through a cell phone is a different story.
The thought of being fired left my mind almost instantaneously.
Yet, my short drive back to the BC was filled with thoughts of cell phones and the inhumanity they’ve created.
People don’t have to interact in the modern world. Modern interpersonal interaction consists of banal banter, common courtesies and fake compliments on the most recent change in appearance.
If you truly mean something, you let people know through technology.
“I luv u,” you send them with the click of a button on your mobile. It’s so much easier to break up with that significant other you no longer want through a Facebook message.
To make it even easier, you send out a mass message so you can express your love, show your disdain or inform your employees that you’re firing the entire staff in one fell swoop.
I can’t help but wonder why we even leave our houses anymore when the majority of our human feelings and actions can be expressed from the convenience of our own homes. Who needs humanity when we have technology?
I don’t know. Maybe we can talk about it over coffee. Text me if you want to try one of my lattes. However, be hasty. Tomorrow’s my last day.