Butt Blaster, an inspirational piece of exercise equipment, died yesterday at its home in Baker University’s Fitness Center.
It was 102 years old. According to medical reports, Blaster died of exhaustion and fatigue.
In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Quality Care Clinic, a retirement community for exercise machines in Destin, Fla.
Blaster, known to friends as “The Butt,” dedicated its life to shaping and toning the lives of everyone it touched.
Though it always wanted to encourage fitness, it hadn’t always aspired to be a specialty machine.
In its youth, Blaster aspired to be a treadmill and, someday, an elliptical machine.
“Always wanting to help people… that’s just how it was. I never seen nobody so willing to wait for hours on end just to make itself available to one or two people. It’s a good lesson for all of us,” personal trainer Sean Bean said.
Fresh out of vocational school, Blaster moved to Hollywood, looking to make a splash.
Finding success as a “personal trainer to the stars,” it founded Master Blaster Fitness. In its time there, Blaster helped mold some of the biggest names of the day, including The Three Stooges, Johnny Weissmuller and a young John Wayne.
Despite enormous financial success, Blaster grew tired of the fast-paced lifestyle and returned to its roots in Kansas. Officially retired, Blaster volunteered seven days a week at the fitness center.
In its time there, Blaster encouraged cleanliness and respect everywhere it could.
“You wanna see the impact of ‘The Butt?’ Take a look at the fitness center and then look at the weight room,” athletic trainer Adam Anderson said. “You think ‘The Butt’ would have stood for dumbbells being strewn all over? Dried sweat stains people don’t wipe off? Free weights scattered like LEGOs in a kid’s room? No way, man. Not ‘The Butt.'”
In its will, Blaster donated its entire estate to Baker University. “Though I am now gone, I hope that others will share my passion for helping everyone they come across each day. I hope that someday, if I am able to look down upon Baker’s exercise area, I will see respect for all pieces of exercise equipment, regardless of weight, manufacturer or color.”