Thursday, January 29, 2009
Recently I was presented with a question that must be addressed in the form of a column.
Someone asked me if I thought 2008 would go down as the best year in the history of sports.
"Does John Daly enjoy dining at Hooters?" I asked facetiously.
Yes. Of course 2008 is the best sporting year in the history of the world, just look at the evidence: Phelps' eight gold medals, Tiger's one-legged victory at Torrey, Usain Bolt, Federer-Nadal, the Tampa Bay Rays' emergence from irrelevance, David Tyree's sticky helmet, Celtics vs. Lakers – the rematch to the rematches, the Big 12 quarterbacks and Mario and the Miracles.
That being said, I decided to search the depths of my brain for ways that 2009 could better its predecessor. I will entertain that only the following list would do.
In Philly: Donovan McNabb out, Vince Papale in. "Invincible II" is released in December, and naturally, Mark Wahlberg again stars as Papale.
Steph Curry graces us with his presence in college hoops for one more year. Uber-prospect John Wall signs with Davidson, where he and Curry create the greatest one-two guard duo of all time.
Sean Avery contracts a venereal disease, which (pick a female celebrity) divulges to the public.
Kobe Bryant is named, without question, the best basketball player in the NBA. Mostly because…wait for it…
Lebron James is drafted by the Chiefs. Yes! He plays wide receiver and D-end and breaks the record for most jump-ball touchdowns in a season and most 5-foot-10-inch cornerbacks thrown into the bleachers during bump coverage.
Mark Cuban purchases the Royals. Game seven of the 2009 World Series reads: Royals 3, Cubs 2.
Roger Clemens pitches the soap to Barry Bonds in the bathroom of a federal penitentiary.
Tim Tebow wins his second Heisman and third National Championship. Wait, that would be awful.
Tim Tebow wins the Gator-country jambalaya cook-off and stars in the Arena League.
Jay Mariotti writes only about the Bassmaster Classic.
Obama fulfills his "Change" campaign promise and starts with the BCS.
Tiger wins the Grand Slam.
Phil eats a Grand Slam, at Denny's, which he owns because he quit golf forever.
The Baldwin City Sands golf course holds an LPGA pro-am event and Natalie Gulbis is paired with the sports editor of the Baker Orange.